How to inspire reluctant parents to record life stories and memories

I set up the Story Keepers to help families with cherished elders capture and preserve their stories and memories in Life Story films, books and audio memoirs. While so many storytellers tell me how much they enjoy being able to share their memories, I am often contacted by families whose elders are reluctant to record their stories.

Even the other day, a couple called and immediately apologised for not calling me sooner. They had been given a Story Keepers gift token by their children who are eager to record their stories, well over a year. ago, but in their own words, they baulked at the idea. They were very anxious about being filmed and so had put off calling me.

We spoke a little about their concerns about making a film for their family and we spoke about the process. We spoke about what they might want to include and I reassured them that they could leave out any topics they wanted to leave out. We chatted some more and we now have a date to film, and I have an inkling it’s going to be fun.

I am not quite sure why this particular couple were so hesitant. They did mention that neither of them had the happiest of childhoods, so we discussed various options as to how we deal with that and I heard a little bit about other important parts of their lives, which I know their children and grandchildren would love to hear them speak about.

They also told me that their (adult) children know hardly anything about their early lives and family history, as they said, “It’s just not something we talk about.” Again, this is not uncommon, we all get stuck in ‘conversation ruts’. Most families have topics that they regularly talk about and topics that aren't a part of the ‘conversation repertoire’ but isn’t it good to get out of a rut?

With this in mind, I thought I would share a few of the concerns that I know have delayed or even prevented other storytellers from telling their stories and a few thoughts on why sharing stories is a wonderful thing for parents to do. I hope that I can help you encourage and inspire your family members to share their stories. So, I have written a letter that you may like to share with your reluctant storyteller.

Dear friend,

Why sharing your memories and recording your stories is a true act of kindness for your family.

I am so delighted to hear that your family would like you to recall and record some of your memories and stories. For some, this may seem like a strange and daunting idea, so I thought I would share some of the common concerns that I have come across and a few thoughts on why recording your stories is actually a true act of kindness for your whole family.

Concern One: I have lived a quiet life, there is not much to tell.

No, no no. Everyone has a story worth telling. Some people believe that they haven't lived a very interesting life and have nothing or little to say. While you may have lived a quiet life, everyone has a story worth telling. You have lived through a different time from younger relatives, with your unique ideas, dreams, ambitions, challenges, skills and set of choices. These life experiences, reflections and thoughts are worth capturing and recording and they may even help younger family members when they are also facing challenges or making choices. Just to be clear, I have yet to meet anyone whose life is not pretty darned fascinating.

Concern Two. I don’t know where to start or what to say, telling my stories is a big and daunting task.

No, there is help! Maybe you are not sure where to start, what to say, or how to say it, or perhaps you are concerned that it will be too much work. These are very reasonable concerns, but, please, don't let this stop you. There is so much help available today; apps, books, family, friends, or professionals like me, who can help you through the process of recalling and sharing your stories.

Concern Three. There are some things that I would rather keep to myself.

No problem, You don't need to share everything Perhaps you are concerned that there are certain stories or periods in your life that you don't wish to discuss, maybe memories that are too painful, or moments that are best left in your past. This is understandable, but does that mean all your stories should be left unrecorded? You can choose which topics to discuss and share, and which to leave unsaid.

Concern Four. My children must think I am about to die, that is why they are asking me to do this.

No way. I have been told many times that telling your life story is something that you do at the end of your life, so let me just say no, no and no. Why not record your memories now, while you are young, vital and still enjoying life when you and your family can enjoy listening to or reading them together and they will probably ask you to tell them more! But, it is true that none of us will be here forever, so why wait?

Concern Five. If I record all my stories now, my family won't want to hear me reminisce again!

No, you have probably been asked to record your stories as your family does enjoy hearing you reminisce, because they like hearing the stories and they enjoy your telling of those stories. However, briliant you record or film or write your telling of your stories they will never beat the live show. The recorded version is both a safety net so that your great-grandchildren will be able to hear the same stories in years to come and a conversation starter. Once you have all listened to your recording, watched your film or read your book, your family will want to know more, they will ask you more questions, not less.

I hope I have addressed your concerns, but would love to hear from you if there are others that I have missed, I also wanted to add here, the reasons why you should record your stories!

Reason One. It's not just about you

I know this sounds harsh, but it's true. Of course, your memories are your memories but, it is also important for your children and grandchildren to know where they came from, to know their family story and their identity. Sharing and recording your memories of the important people, places and events - the ups and the downs - in your life, as well as stories that have been passed to you is a hugely valuable gift you can give to your family.

Reason Two. Have no regrets

Have you ever wondered about your family history or wished that you had asked more questions or recorded your parents or grandparents' voices and memories? While that may be too late, we can try at least to give our children all the information that may like or need. They may not be interested now, but they are likely to be at some point.

Reason Three Recalling and recording your life story, or part of it is a lot of fun

My storytellers always tell me how life-affirming and comforting the process is, They tell me how much they enjoy recalling, reflecting, remembering and being listened to, really listened to, so why not just try it?

Reason Four. A huge honour and act of love and kindness

I often ask storytellers what makes them the most proud, and it's very often their family. Maybe this is your family's way of saying that they are proud of you, they value your stories, your wisdom and your words and isn't that just wonderful?

About The Story Keepers

We help to capture and preserve family stories, treasured memories, and recollections so that your children, grandchildren and future generations can know, enjoy and feel pride in their family identity. We create your Life Story Films, books and Audio Memoirs. If you're interested in recording your story maybe in a book, as an audio recording or even in a life story film do email or call me. I am always delighted to discuss a project and see if I can be of any assistance. For more information, email alice@thestorykeepers or call on 07903582474. www.thestorykeepers.co.uk

If you would like to discuss a particular project then please do contact me at alice@thestorykeepers.co.uk or visit my website www.thestorykeepers.co.uk