Helping a reluctant parent to share their life stories

I am often contacted by those who would love for their parents to record their stories, they love the idea of recording memories for family and friends but plans are derailed by reluctant storytellers who are not convinced by the whole idea, so I have a few thoughts and ideas on this to share which may just help you with any reluctant story tellers in your life.

The invitation to record a life story

The other day, I was contacted by a chap wishing to record his dad's story. The project started slowly as his dad was reluctant.  In this case, we did go ahead, we recorded some beautiful stories.  Afterwards, his son said to me 'You know, in the end, dad loved talking to you about his memories. It took some convincing but he really enjoyed himself. Now, he is delighted that he did it.'

‘What was it that convinced him to do it?’ I asked. 'His grandchildren' was the reply. This particular grandad needed to know that his grandchildren wanted him to record his stories. So when one grandson told him directly that he would love him to tell his stories and have them recorded he finally agreed to the idea. In this case, getting the family on board was very helpful.

Is it worth recording

Others may be reluctant, concerned that they have nothing much to say, no really good stories. This is a tough one, and very common, but it is NEVER true. Helping storytellers to share their personal testimonies, big or small, is what I do, what I trained to do, and it is what I am good at. Big juicy stories are great of course they are, but each storyteller will have lived through different times, experienced different social norms, made their own choices and decisions, and even known other family members who are maybe no longer around. Their stories are always worth recording however dramatic or quiet a life. I help my story tellers to recall and reflect on their memories, ideas, and thoughts, it’s your family's stories and voices, they are all important, and everyone has story that is worth hearing.

Talking of me, it really is quite an ask for someone to trust me with their stories and memories, I totally understand why there might be doubt or unease. For this reason, I love to meet and chat with potential storytellers and unsure storytellers before any commitment has been made, so they can decide if they can trust me, if they might enjoy the process or if I am just going to be too annoying!

It might also be helpful to point the reluctant storyteller, to my website. Here potential storytellers can see and hear a few examples of films and audios that I have done before and maybe read some testimonials. They can also see me, and see who they may be talking to!

Challenging history

Challenging pasts can also be a stumbling block. Sometimes, plans are derailed as families do not want to bring up issues that might be difficult or cause conflict or hurt. This is just one more reason why we talk before we start, and discuss difficult areas, and topics that are best left unmentioned. Then, throughout the process, if anything is best left unsaid, we will remove it completely, but still, capture and preserve the real family legacy.

Getting the timing right

The problem can also be the timing. It is really quite a big deal to be asked to record stories: they are personal, important, and sometimes difficult and challenging. When asking someone to record these chose your moment carefully, tread carefully and go slowly.

One more thing

Going back to the first chap, who was convinced by his granddaughter to record his life stories. His son told me that there had been another surprising obstacle. He would only record his stories if he could pay! I am just throwing that one out there, as sometimes the obstacles are not obvious, and maybe it’s best to ask why a storyteller is reluctant than to guess as to the problem!

So, what’s next? If you would like me to chat with someone in your family, do get in touch - 07903582474 or check out more at www.thestorykeepers.co.uk